Recent observations and musings

Elton John may sing "Sorry seems to be the hardest word," but, when it comes to parents and their children, it seems that parents have great difficulty uttering "No," while their children have no problems doing so.

Recently, some friends who live in a lovely three-story home had an open house party. Families were invited. Most of the children were well-behaved. One girl, about age 7 or 8, wanted to explore the house. Even though our host and hostess greeted us at the door and showed us into the area where the festivities were taking place on the ground level (bedrooms and a study are on the second floor, the upper level is where the host and hostess do their painting, writing, and so on...it is their business area, and it is not childproof. Their children are grown, so there is no need to put their work away). The girl immediately heads up the stairs. The parents don't say anything, so the host says "Sweetie, the party is down here. Let's see what goodies we can find." The child ignores him and continues on up. The hostess goes up the stairs and turns her gently around and says "This area is private and off limits. There is lots to do and see downstairs, and other children have arrived. Let's go see them!"

Both the host and hostess were tactful, while the Dear Parents stood there acting like they've never said "no" before. The child then screams "I want to see upstairs!" and the mom looks at the host like "What's the big deal?" Neither parent says "No, honey, that area is off limits," or anything of the sort. Dad finally says "I guess they don't want people upstairs, so let's go find some candy."

A boy about 11 years old goes back for thirds on desserts, bypassing people in line who haven't had any yet. Mom says "Rotney, don't you think you should let others have a turn?" Rotney replies "No, there's plenty for them."

A two-year-old screams "Noooooo" when her parents ask if she needs her diaper changed.

Being an observer of human nature, I mentally note how parents and children interact and find such observations very interesting. I'm keeping score on how many time I hear parents say "No," and how many times children say "No." Actually, most children say "No!!!!!" Very emphatic "no," you know where they stand. Parents can't even get out a simple "No." They ask questions "Wouldn't you like to...?," or "Don't you think...?," or "Isn't it time to...?" So far, the kids are winning (only for the short term, many parents don't see 'the big picture'). Dear Parent, NO is simple, so simple a child can say it! Even a two-year old!

Dear Parents, if you have a hard time saying No to your child now, wait until they are teens. And if they never hear No from you, they will not like it when they hear No from teachers, coaches, or the nice policeman. With apologies to Elton John, "No" seems to be the hardest word.