More on "No"

My observations about parents not being able to say "No" to their kids must've struck a nerve with many folks, if the amount of emails received is any indication. Thus far I've received more email on that post than any other so far. One teacher writes that when she told one of her third grade students no, he couldn't do something, he looked at her and replied "No one ever tells me no." I can believe it. I can almost count on one finger how many times I hear parents say the "n" word to their kids.

I wonder why that is? Are they afraid that their kids won't like them? That's absurd. Their kids tell them "No!!" all the time, and don't they still love their kids? Are they afraid that their kids will cry? So what if they cry? Oh, that means that kids are unhappy, if they cry. Well, if parents think that it is their job to keep kids happy that won't help them much in life. Once kids are in school, sports, jobs, do the parents think that everyone is going to make their child happy? Kids will be expecting to be made happy. Making them happy for today won't prepare them for tomorrow.

I can almost hear it now, are we supposed to make our kids miserable? Should we neglect their happiness? No, just parent them. Correct them when they need it. Teach them manners, and expect them to use them. Teach them how to behave in someone else's home. If they misbehave or are rude to their hosts, have them apologize and then take them home. Don't make everyone else miserable so that your child is kept happy.

I think that too many parents don't say no to their kids because they are uncomfortable with the thought that their kids may be unhappy. But I think that too many parents also don't use the word no because they're afraid of what other parents might think. Parents are supposed to seem thoughtful and intelligent and talk to kids and reason with them and "redirect" them. Anything but the dreaded no word! Bargaining is big... "If you come with me now, without a fuss, we'll stop at the ice cream store on the way home." My grandmother would've said "You git yourself in that car right now or you'll be fortunate to see next week." That grandma...she never was one for talking things out. And we minded her. We knew she wouldn't beat us, but we were scared to not obey her. She also had no problem saying no. And that was good for us. We weren't always happy about it, but it was good for us.

Dear Parent, stop trying to make your kids happy and do what is good for them.