Why is it that parents can't seem to do a damned thing without asking their kids dumb questions? Due to circumstances of late, I found myself in the grocery store at one of the worst possible times - shortly after school let out. A mom was shopping with 2 kids, a boy about 8 and a girl who looked to be around 4 years old. Mom asks the girl "What do we want for dinner?" (what is it with parents and plural pronouns?) The little girl replies "chicken nuggets." Mom says "sweetie, we had chicken nuggets last night. Let's pick something else. " "I want chicken nuggets!" "Sweetie, mommy thinks we should have something else tonight..." and on it went. If "mommy" wanted to serve something else, why did she ask the kid? Why didn't she just choose what she wanted to serve? I think that parents go out of their way to make it harder on themselves. And then they wonder why they're so tired.
The 5 dumbest questions I hear most often:
1. Do we have to go potty?
Doesn't Mom know (I've never heard a Dad ask that question) if she has to go or not? Why is it "Do WE have to go potty"? And why are you asking the kid? (excuse me, child. I was told by a reader that "a kid is a baby goat." Um, that's apropos more often than not.) Why not take the kid/child...you see them do the "potty dance," take them to the bathroom! I've never heard a child say "Yes, I do have to go potty now, thank you."
2. Do I have to spank you?
If you even have to ask, the answer is (psychologically/politically incorrect) probably yes. I've also never heard a child say "Yes, I do believe that I could use a good spanking now."
3. Aren't you cold? Don't you want to wear your coat?
Mom, if you got up off of your butt and ran around as much as your child does, you'd be hot, too. Children have a higher metabolism. If they were cold, I'm fairly certain that they would ask for a coat before they froze to death.
4. Don't you want to eat that?
If the child wanted to eat whatever it is, he would. If he leaves it there, he doesn't want to eat it. If you want him to eat, just tell him to eat it.
5. It's time to go home now. Are you finished playing?
You just set yourself up for that one! You got the first part right...it's time to go home. Asking "are you finished playing" almost guarantees that you'll soon end up countng to three. Readers know my take on that: Do you want me to count to three?
How to contact me. You can leave a comment, or email me at DearParent@gmail.com Due to the number of emails I receive, it could take a few days to respond. Thanks for understanding.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Marie Osmond
I acknowledge in advance that this post will likely erupt into a flames war. Flame suit is on.
I don't understand Marie Osmond. The mother of 8 children, I wonder how much time she actually spends with her children? I understand that she's a singer, a dancer, she designs dolls, and has a new line of quilting fabric out this year. In addition, she has a line of sewing machines and embroidery sewing machines. Plus her various charitable works, and I've probably only scratched the surface. Is she trying to keep up with her brothers? Out do them?
Just the practices alone for the Dancing With the Stars has to be time consuming and grueling. Parenting is time consuming enough; when does she sleep? It was recently revealed on Larry King Live that her 16 year old son is in rehab. Her daughters were in the news in the not too distant past for their bawdy Myspace pages. Admitting to "whoring" and so on.
While Marie entertains the world and busies herself with so many distractions, who is mothering her kids? Who is teaching them that it isn't safe to post about their sexual lives on the Internet? Who is there supervising, knowing who their friends are, knowing where they are, talking with them, teaching them?
How can she continue to 'dance with the stars' while her son is in rehab? I suppose it would be politicaly incorrect to comment "Nero fiddled while Rome burned"?
Marie isn't the only one following her bliss, I realize. But many women and girls look up to her. Once one decides to bring children into this world, one should make them a priority.
Yes, I know that kids without working parents can have problems, too. But I would bet anything that parents who are there for their kids, working or not, will have fewer and less severe problems. I seriously doubt that Marie needs the income from her various endeavors...but I do not doubt that her kids need her. Once they're grown - and it happens too fast - she will have the rest of her life to find her bliss.
I don't understand Marie Osmond. The mother of 8 children, I wonder how much time she actually spends with her children? I understand that she's a singer, a dancer, she designs dolls, and has a new line of quilting fabric out this year. In addition, she has a line of sewing machines and embroidery sewing machines. Plus her various charitable works, and I've probably only scratched the surface. Is she trying to keep up with her brothers? Out do them?
Just the practices alone for the Dancing With the Stars has to be time consuming and grueling. Parenting is time consuming enough; when does she sleep? It was recently revealed on Larry King Live that her 16 year old son is in rehab. Her daughters were in the news in the not too distant past for their bawdy Myspace pages. Admitting to "whoring" and so on.
While Marie entertains the world and busies herself with so many distractions, who is mothering her kids? Who is teaching them that it isn't safe to post about their sexual lives on the Internet? Who is there supervising, knowing who their friends are, knowing where they are, talking with them, teaching them?
How can she continue to 'dance with the stars' while her son is in rehab? I suppose it would be politicaly incorrect to comment "Nero fiddled while Rome burned"?
Marie isn't the only one following her bliss, I realize. But many women and girls look up to her. Once one decides to bring children into this world, one should make them a priority.
Yes, I know that kids without working parents can have problems, too. But I would bet anything that parents who are there for their kids, working or not, will have fewer and less severe problems. I seriously doubt that Marie needs the income from her various endeavors...but I do not doubt that her kids need her. Once they're grown - and it happens too fast - she will have the rest of her life to find her bliss.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Thanksgiving from hell
Below is an email, reprinted with permission, that I received from a reader. Dear Parent, wake up! Teach your kids how to be a guest in someone else's home! Teach them manners...teach them to use an inside voice...teach them to not go upstairs unless given permission...teach them that a closed door means that they are to NOT enter unless invited to do so. I, too, have had guests with children who seem to think that, since we invited them, that we should put up with their children's bad behavior. It isn't cute, Dear Parent. It isn't amusing.
Dear Anonymous Parent,
I first read your blog a little over a week ago and, at first, I didn't like it. I thought you were one of those people who hate kids or something! I am due to give birth to our first child in six weeks, and am in the stage where anything to do with kids is of interest to me. Until Thanksgiving Day...
We decided, since we are soon to be parents, that we would have families come to our home for the Thanksgiving meal. We invited family and friends to come early to watch the parade on TV and have hot cocoa and doughnuts.
About an hour before the meal was to be served, I noticed that it had become quiet. I didn't see many of the children around. I thought that perhaps they were outside. I went upstairs to rest for a few minutes and to change my clothes. When I went upstairs, I heard noise from the nursery, which is all ready for the new baby. Six children were in the nursery (the door had been closed, and, when I grew up, one did not enter a room if the door was closed. We thought that was a rule that everyone respected!). I had about a dozen or so wrapped baby gifts that had not yet been opened, as well as wrapped Christmas presents for family. These children had opened the gifts and played with them, strewing paper and boxes everywhere. Two children had climbed into the crib and jumped up and down, and had pulled down the mobile. The bassinet was turned over, and there were muddy footprints all over the carpet. I called my husband to come up and he was shocked at the mess. He brought their parents upstairs to view the damage, while I went on to my room regroup, de-stress, and change my clothes. There were several preteens lying on my bed, watching my TV, and eating snacks, which they had spilled. I nearly lost it right then and there. I didn't know things were going to get even worse...
My mom had been helping me to prepare food for our guests. I asked her to come up and remove the older kids and take them to their parents. I went into my bathroom, and met the worst mess I've ever seen. One of the four year olds, a girl, had had a bowel movement. She wiped herself and threw the paper into the toilet. But then she removed the messy, wet paper and applied it to the walls of the bathroom, which had just been wallpapered. The wet mess seeped down the paper and under the baseboard trim. There were pieces of messy papered stuck all over the walls, the back of the door, the vanity, and the shower glass door.
The parents of this little girl said to my husband and myself that we will soon know what it is like to be parents. They laughed and said how "creative" their daughter is. The did not offer to clean up the mess, nor did they offer to reimburse us for having to have the room cleaned and papered.
I probably handled it very badly...I asked everyone to go home. I couldn't deal with a wrecked house (we didn't expect it to remain immaculate, we knew things would be spilled and were okay with normal wear and tear). We had to pay a company to come in and clean up the bathroom, and it will have to be repapered.I have never experienced this level of disrespect. The adults seem to have the "kids will be kids" attitude.
I am determined to raise my child to be respectful, and, when we go out with our child, to know where our child is and what he/she is doing.
Thanks for writing your blog. I hope more parents read it and take it to heart. If someone made a movie out of what our Thanksgiving Day was like, I don't think people would believe it. I am still stunned that parents think that rude, disrespectful, and damaging behavior is okay!
Sincerely,
a new reader
Dear Anonymous Parent,
I first read your blog a little over a week ago and, at first, I didn't like it. I thought you were one of those people who hate kids or something! I am due to give birth to our first child in six weeks, and am in the stage where anything to do with kids is of interest to me. Until Thanksgiving Day...
We decided, since we are soon to be parents, that we would have families come to our home for the Thanksgiving meal. We invited family and friends to come early to watch the parade on TV and have hot cocoa and doughnuts.
About an hour before the meal was to be served, I noticed that it had become quiet. I didn't see many of the children around. I thought that perhaps they were outside. I went upstairs to rest for a few minutes and to change my clothes. When I went upstairs, I heard noise from the nursery, which is all ready for the new baby. Six children were in the nursery (the door had been closed, and, when I grew up, one did not enter a room if the door was closed. We thought that was a rule that everyone respected!). I had about a dozen or so wrapped baby gifts that had not yet been opened, as well as wrapped Christmas presents for family. These children had opened the gifts and played with them, strewing paper and boxes everywhere. Two children had climbed into the crib and jumped up and down, and had pulled down the mobile. The bassinet was turned over, and there were muddy footprints all over the carpet. I called my husband to come up and he was shocked at the mess. He brought their parents upstairs to view the damage, while I went on to my room regroup, de-stress, and change my clothes. There were several preteens lying on my bed, watching my TV, and eating snacks, which they had spilled. I nearly lost it right then and there. I didn't know things were going to get even worse...
My mom had been helping me to prepare food for our guests. I asked her to come up and remove the older kids and take them to their parents. I went into my bathroom, and met the worst mess I've ever seen. One of the four year olds, a girl, had had a bowel movement. She wiped herself and threw the paper into the toilet. But then she removed the messy, wet paper and applied it to the walls of the bathroom, which had just been wallpapered. The wet mess seeped down the paper and under the baseboard trim. There were pieces of messy papered stuck all over the walls, the back of the door, the vanity, and the shower glass door.
The parents of this little girl said to my husband and myself that we will soon know what it is like to be parents. They laughed and said how "creative" their daughter is. The did not offer to clean up the mess, nor did they offer to reimburse us for having to have the room cleaned and papered.
I probably handled it very badly...I asked everyone to go home. I couldn't deal with a wrecked house (we didn't expect it to remain immaculate, we knew things would be spilled and were okay with normal wear and tear). We had to pay a company to come in and clean up the bathroom, and it will have to be repapered.I have never experienced this level of disrespect. The adults seem to have the "kids will be kids" attitude.
I am determined to raise my child to be respectful, and, when we go out with our child, to know where our child is and what he/she is doing.
Thanks for writing your blog. I hope more parents read it and take it to heart. If someone made a movie out of what our Thanksgiving Day was like, I don't think people would believe it. I am still stunned that parents think that rude, disrespectful, and damaging behavior is okay!
Sincerely,
a new reader
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Dr. Laura and Kathleen Parker
I've been asked several times over the past few days why I link to Dr. Laura and Kathleen Parker.
I have not listened to the Dr. Laura radio show for over 10 years. I often agreed with what she said, but not how she said it. One can make a point without being inflammatory. Her radio show was on during the time that I took my young child to school, and I don't feel that her program is one that young children should be exposed to. It was a half hour drive to school, and I didn't my child going to school with Dr. Laura ringing in his ears!
But Dr. Laura is an advocate of children. There is good advice on her website about teaching them responsibility, there is advice for those who want to make a go of staying home with their kids. One does not need to agree with 100% of what a person says...take the nuggets of gold and leave the rest.
Kathleen Parker has been descibed as "anti-feminist." This isn't a blog for feminism, it a blog for parents to read and "do the right thing," as Dr. Laura says. Parker's column likewise has nuggets of gold for parents.
Take what we need, and leave the rest. Simple.
I have not listened to the Dr. Laura radio show for over 10 years. I often agreed with what she said, but not how she said it. One can make a point without being inflammatory. Her radio show was on during the time that I took my young child to school, and I don't feel that her program is one that young children should be exposed to. It was a half hour drive to school, and I didn't my child going to school with Dr. Laura ringing in his ears!
But Dr. Laura is an advocate of children. There is good advice on her website about teaching them responsibility, there is advice for those who want to make a go of staying home with their kids. One does not need to agree with 100% of what a person says...take the nuggets of gold and leave the rest.
Kathleen Parker has been descibed as "anti-feminist." This isn't a blog for feminism, it a blog for parents to read and "do the right thing," as Dr. Laura says. Parker's column likewise has nuggets of gold for parents.
Take what we need, and leave the rest. Simple.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
The "big picture"
It seems that today, parents don't keep the "big picture" in mind...what do they hope their children will be like as adults? Industrious, hard-working, good citizens, responsible? Or petulant, lazy, unmotivated with a "me, first" attitude?
If parents want their children to grow up to be responsible citizens, hard-working and an asset to society, many of you are going about it the wrong way. Giving kids too much, when they want it, and you're liable to raise kids with a "gimmee" attitude, and thankless to boot. Kids who do not learn to delay gratification and work for what they want, saving for what they want, grow up to expect a paycheck just for showing up. They expect the best, without having to work for it.
Think ahead to what kind of adult you want your children to be. And then chart--and stay--the course. Assign them regular responsibilities. Teach them manners, and require them to use them. Dear Parent, a child of 7 or 8 calling his mother a "poopy head" is not funny. Teach them to save by requiring them to save. Don't give them everything that they want. Teach them what wants and needs are. Be a good role model...don't buy things just because someone else does. Volunteer in the community, and have your children do so. If you want them to be kind, treat them with kindness. "You moron!" is not kind.
Think ahead, Dear Parent, because the future is closer than it seems. Think about what kind of adult you want your child to be, and then act accordingly. Keep the big picture in mind. You aren't raisng children, you're raising future adults. You have a responsiblity to your child, and to society.
If parents want their children to grow up to be responsible citizens, hard-working and an asset to society, many of you are going about it the wrong way. Giving kids too much, when they want it, and you're liable to raise kids with a "gimmee" attitude, and thankless to boot. Kids who do not learn to delay gratification and work for what they want, saving for what they want, grow up to expect a paycheck just for showing up. They expect the best, without having to work for it.
Think ahead to what kind of adult you want your children to be. And then chart--and stay--the course. Assign them regular responsibilities. Teach them manners, and require them to use them. Dear Parent, a child of 7 or 8 calling his mother a "poopy head" is not funny. Teach them to save by requiring them to save. Don't give them everything that they want. Teach them what wants and needs are. Be a good role model...don't buy things just because someone else does. Volunteer in the community, and have your children do so. If you want them to be kind, treat them with kindness. "You moron!" is not kind.
Think ahead, Dear Parent, because the future is closer than it seems. Think about what kind of adult you want your child to be, and then act accordingly. Keep the big picture in mind. You aren't raisng children, you're raising future adults. You have a responsiblity to your child, and to society.
Monday, November 19, 2007
"...and we thought cluelessness was for teenagers."
That was a line from Kathleen Parker's recent column. In her column, she tells about a teen girl being interviewed about "hooking up" by an author. Here's the excerpt from the column in question:
"As one young woman explained "hooking up" to Washington Post writer Laura Sessions Stepp (author of the book Unhooked): "First you give a guy oral sex and then you decide if you like him."
This conversation took place in the family room of the girl's home. Immediately after that definition was served, the mother offered Stepp a homemade cookie. And we thought cluelessness was for teenagers."
The mother served cookies??? I'd have been tossing my cookies. Mom, answer your clue phone by reading the book Unhooked, Laura Sessions Stepp. And, for on-going homework, I sentence you to reading Kathleen Parker's column every week.
Once upon a time, when marriage preceded sex
"As one young woman explained "hooking up" to Washington Post writer Laura Sessions Stepp (author of the book Unhooked): "First you give a guy oral sex and then you decide if you like him."
This conversation took place in the family room of the girl's home. Immediately after that definition was served, the mother offered Stepp a homemade cookie. And we thought cluelessness was for teenagers."
The mother served cookies??? I'd have been tossing my cookies. Mom, answer your clue phone by reading the book Unhooked, Laura Sessions Stepp. And, for on-going homework, I sentence you to reading Kathleen Parker's column every week.
Once upon a time, when marriage preceded sex
Where are your kids?
Dear Parent,
Do you know where your kids are? Do you know who they are with? Do you know what they are doing? Apparently the parents of several children in Acworth, GA, did not know where their kids were. Three boys - all of ehe ages of 8 and 9 - are charged with rape, kidnapping, sexual assault and false imprisonment for an attack on an 11-year-old girl.
That such an attack happened with such young children makes me wonder what they are exposed to in the home, what values they are taught. Where were the parents of these children? At this age, parents should know where their kids are, and with whom.
Three young boys arrested in rape case
Do you know where your kids are? Do you know who they are with? Do you know what they are doing? Apparently the parents of several children in Acworth, GA, did not know where their kids were. Three boys - all of ehe ages of 8 and 9 - are charged with rape, kidnapping, sexual assault and false imprisonment for an attack on an 11-year-old girl.
That such an attack happened with such young children makes me wonder what they are exposed to in the home, what values they are taught. Where were the parents of these children? At this age, parents should know where their kids are, and with whom.
Three young boys arrested in rape case
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