Taking your kid to work

Dear Parent,

I do not like it when you bring your kids to work. I work from home and I do not like it when I have to put my work on hold to keep your child safe and out of my things while you take care of plumbing problems, fix my washing machine, or whatever you are in my home to do. I especially did not like the painter who brought his son into our under-construction house. Your son stepped in paint and then walked all over the wood floors and up the stairs. Why was he upstairs? Why was he in my home to begin with? And why couldn't you have cleaned up the paint?

I do not like it when a child is brought to my home, and then informed that said child is afraid of dogs. "Could you put your dog in the bathroom?" No, I can't. He knows a stranger is in my home and he wants to be near me. YOU can take your child home. "I'm givin' the missus a break, I take him with me when I have to make calls so that she can have some peace." Give me a break! When my child was young, I didn't take him to my spouse's office when I needed a break. I sucked it up and did my job. You are here to do a job, and I am not a free babysitter. And I don't want my bathroom destroyed by my dog so that your child can run around my home. Sorry that you had to take your child home. But I write the check, I write the rules. I'm just odd that way.

Speaking of dogs, Dear Parent, my neighbor was not amused when the roofer brought not only his 3-year-old son to the job site, but his dog. The lab decided my puppy looked like a tasty snack. I couldn't enjoy sitting outside because your dog wanted to attack my puppy. And Dear Parent, knowing that the home that you were roofing was on the water, what made you even think about bringing your young child? You couldn't possibly watch him. I know, because he was constantly in my yard and at my back door, wanting me to play with him, or get him juice. This 3-year-old was unattended all morning while you worked on the roof. After lunch, he was unattended until it was too dark for you to work. I could tell when you arrived the next day that you were not happy that the neighbor and I asked that you keep your dog and child at home. Blaring your horn at 6:30 a.m. is so immature. Blasting the music on your boom box was annoying. But karma can be a bitch. A lot of homes were damaged in the Hurricane. The neighbor and I did not give you a good recommendation when asked. We simply said "He brought his 3-year-old to the job site, and his dog, and he blasted his music. If you choose to use him, you might want to make sure that he leaves his family at home."

Those are not the only instances in which service people have brought their children to the job site. Maybe it is custom in this general area, who knows. But it is not a local custom in which I want to participate. It is rude, and it is not safe for your child. Several years ago, didn't you read in the newspaper about the 3-year-old who strangled to death in his carseat straps while his dad and grand dad cut wood for the family business? They said that they checked on him every 10 minutes while he watched a DVD. I'm not buying that. In any case, their child paid the ultimate price because the missus needed a break.

In times past, children often worked at the knee of their parents. They learned skills and a trade this way. If you can figure out how to roof a house while teaching your 3-year-old the trade, and keep him safe, and not bother the homeowners and neighbors, great! If you can teach a child to fix a washing machine or paint a room and keep him from destroying the home and aggravating the owners, great! But don't expect us to babysit, feed, and toilet your child. That's what God invented babysitters for if the missus isn't up to it.

Regards,

Anonymous Parent and had-it-up-to-here homeowner

I'm a PNB! And proud of it!

I received an email from a reader who said that my blog was refreshing "coming from a PNB." I didn't know what a PNB was, so I Googled it and learned that a PNB "Stands for “Parent, Not Breeder” – in other words, a good parent, not a shitty parent. As in: “My brother is a PNB”

The reverse is "BNP -- Stands for “Breeder, Not Parent” Some people use the term BNP instead of “Breeder” because it sounds less insulting. It basically refers to a bad parent (in contrast to “PNB” – a good parent.)

These definitions, and more, are located at this website: Happily Childfree/Glossary of terms

Warning: Not for the humor impaired! Dear Parent, please read these definitions. Even some of us PNB's agree with the terms. Such as "Mommyism -- A form of feminism that focuses on getting special rights for mommies and screwing over childfree women and men in the process. Example: Mommies want flextime in the office, but don't think anyone but them should get it."

I've seen women in the grocery store, kids in tow, deciding that the line was too long for them to wait and, if no one would give in to their sighs and rude stares, they'd walk out with their hot prepared foods muttering "I'll pay for it next time." Yeah, right. And like the rude mommies who've just picked their kids up from daycare after work and make rude comments about those of us there sans child "Why can't those people shop earlier in the day?" They bitch that "we" (anyone without a kid with them) make life harder for them because we don't shop when it is convenient for them! The same ones who proclaim that stay at home mommies are letting their brains go to mush, but then ask the mush-brains to run errands, close windows if it rains, and wait for packages and deliverymen!

And don't even get me started on mommies who have their kids names hanging on their necklaces, their license plates, their screen names, and so on. It is easy to see who rules those roosts! Parents, once you become parents, do you suddenly forget that you have a spouse (if indeed you have one, of course)? Do you forget that you were a person before you had kids, with hobbies, interests besides what color Bratney's poop is, or what age Rotney toilet trained??? Parents, act like you have a brain! Cut the cutesy sing song voice, ditch the "mama2joey" screen name, the "4kds4me" license plate. Read a book with more than 20 words in it, read a newspaper, go to museums. Have a life!

What evidence do I have?

Another email, from another parent. "You sound like you don't think very highly of parents. What evidence do you have that parents aren't doing their job? Your posts are insulting and judgmental"

What evidnce do I have that parents today aren't doing a good job? Where do I begin...the evidence could fill a book. Many books, in fact.

At a restaurant recently, two teen boys were cursing up a bluestreak while their parents stood by and didn't say a word. I often hear parents calling their kids "stupid," "dummy," moron," "no good," "lazy" and so on. Kids will up or down to your expectations, but many parents are too damned wimpy to set standards or expectations. That might mean they'll actually have to do something when the kid misbehaves. Lord forbid Mom should get up off the computer or Dad should get up from the TV. The world is full of armchair parents. Hey, Dear Parent! Raising children is NOT a spectator sport!

More evidence: Teen girls walking around looking like hoochie mamas. "Princess" on the bottom of her short, short shorts. "Made you look" across the chest of a T-shirt that was well filled out. Boys with pants so baggy, the crotch is at their knees. There's your sign...

Dear Parent, is it realy your desire to see your daughter's emulating the Hooters waitresses, or your son's emulating the prison culture? I, for one, don't want to look at your daughter's cleavage, her belly button, or any other part of her intimate anatomy. I do not want to see your son's butt crack or his underwear.

More coming soon.